Remember The How-To Thing?

How to be awesome:

This works best in an iron skillet.  Brown one white onion and four big cloves of garlic in light olive oil.  One the onion goes translucent, chop in a couple four or five red jalapenos.  Deglaze  with a short shot of whiskey. Really scratch all that brown goodness of the pan.  you may have to add a touch of water to really get it all.  Dump that into a pot with about four cups of water.

This is where I add the cup or so of Mexican red beans.  There are a million methods to cooking beans, believe it or not.  Soak them, scald them, whatever.  Just cook the damn beans, sugartits.

Dump in a couple pieces of saltpork.  Pour in a big shot of red New Mexican style chili powder.  Put in a little cumin.  Then the secret: add about a teaspoon, but no more, of turmeric.  Cook that for however long it takes the beans. 

Rock and roll, bitches.

How to be badass:

Run five fucking miles.  Then run up a hundred foot tall river terrace repeatedly until you fall over.

Bad. Ass.

How to be batshit:

This is advice for all you lady folk.

You know how you call sometimes or come over and you’re angry because you think we don’t want to talk to you? 

I won’t point fingers, name names, etc, but in my experience every single one of you does this.  So, I will tell you a little secret. 

If you think someone doesn’t want to talk to you, it makes absolutely no sense to rampage in and start yelling at them.  Because then they won’t want to talk to you.

Anything I didn’t cover?