Outline Tuesday
Who Would “Get It”
I. Smart chicks
A. The girl at work with the green eyes and the pre-Oprah’s bookclub edition of the Centenial Collection East of Eden.
1. Bad habits, yes, a few
2. Black hair
3. Talks about movies with subtitles
B. The brown eyed girl
1. Rattled off the firing order to a small block Chevy (note: cannot introduce her to my Ford parents)
2. Knows the difference between a Scout 80/800/II
3. Is a drunk (I’m assuming)
C. The girl whose keys I cut (dirrrrty!)
1. Sundress
a. has nothing to do with intellect
b. is still hot
2. Could hold a conversation about mineralogy
3. Understood deflective cleavage (also dirty)
D. Tina Fey
1. Nice rack, if you’re into minimalism (not a joke)
2. Cute, but not cutesy
a. slight insecurity, comes across as self denigrating humor
b. tough streak
3. Interesting ideas
a. Read some interviews
4. Glasses
II. Celebrity chicks I would probably not get along with would still get it
A. Rashida Jones
1. Rashida Jones
2. Rashida Jones
3. Rashida Jones
B. Rashida Jones
1. Rashida Jones
2. Rashida Jones
3. Rashida Jones
a. Rashida
b. Jones
III. Nice girls (niceness is required in all cases of hotness)
A. The girl who works as a vet assistant
1. Mabel likes her
2. Has no problem with dog slobber
3. The laugh
B. The libraian
1. Anyone who understands the Dewey Decimal System is in for a wild night with me
2. Likes Edward Abbey
a. understands thermite
b. actually got The Monkey Wrench Gang, didn’t think it was just a fun enviro-terrorist read
3. Recommended Neal Stephenson
C. The Safeway girl
1. Is always nice
2. Has a nice ass
a. I hate to be so shallow
b. I want to butter it like a biscuit (bye female readers!)
3. Wouldn’t mind saying hi, if I could pull my tongue out of the back of my throat when she’s around
D. Salem
1. Across the water, under the rocks, beneath the history of man, something great moves (she showed me)
2. It is up to all of us to face down the end of oppurtunity
3. Has good taste in beer (Red Truck), and names for her son (Clyde)
Note:
All of these are probably bad ideas
May 20, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Go for the Safeway girl. Women who make you forget how to speak are generally ones to latch on to.
May 20, 2008 at 3:57 pm
One: Safeway is too pricey. My student ass goes to Ghettoson’s
Two: Yeah, like you’re not just saying go for the one with ass.
Three: If I did that, my blog would degenerate into a weekly pointless ramble about how great my woman is that would draw comments into the 30’s from a whole cyber harem of girls so nice, I would feel like I had to jerk off to pictures of daisies blooming, shit out sunshine turds, and pee mojitos.
Four: Peeing Mojito will be the first book I publish.
May 20, 2008 at 6:22 pm
One – Ghettoson sounds like quite the businessman
Two – I never said that I wasn’t. You would respect me less if I had.
Three – If you do that I have a great title for the blog: http://www.thefridayflareup…..you get the idea.
Four – I would like an advanced copy so that I can work on the companion piece: Blowjobs and Bourbon
May 20, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Go for the girl whose keys you cut. But buttering someone’s arse like a biscuit?! I mean, you butter biscuits? I find that shocking!! :P
Four – I’m already working on Martini Mammaries.
May 20, 2008 at 11:12 pm
GSR: Well, I know you can’t shoot bourbon, so I’m assuming the book would be about the time you passed out in that truck stop.
Clea: I am not sober enough to copy and paste. I’m not sure if [redacted] has the same societal illness of calling cookies biscuits, but here, a biscuit is like a flaky salty loaf miniature loaf of bread that can convey things like gravy, sandwich items, and apple butter safely and effectively through the gastronomic processes. And yes, you butter them. Also:
Martini Mammaries. Yes. Please. Perhaps we should discuss deflective cleavage.
May 21, 2008 at 1:26 am
Does the girl with black hair ‘talk about movies with subtitles‘ or ‘talk about movies with subtitles’? I always find it hard to follow girls who talk with subtitles. Cause I can’t read most of them.
May 21, 2008 at 8:10 am
The hardest part is finding multilingual midgets who can write that fast.
May 22, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Sounds like you’re smitten with quite a few ladies. I predict that one or more of them will work out.
May 22, 2008 at 4:17 pm
I’m holding out for Rashida.
May 22, 2008 at 8:02 pm
What?! No votes for the librarian?
Go for the librarian. Library job = boring & quiet = repressed = crazy explosive fun because making up for repression. (potential for extreme volatility with this option, admittedly).
May 22, 2008 at 10:52 pm
I register my vote for librarians now, forever, and vociferously. I have sort of the same thoughts on the crazy repressed thing. I would love to test that hypothesis.
And horn rims. Just saying.
June 4, 2008 at 3:26 pm
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